Positivity

Well, it's be a weird 24 hours. I think I am extra stessed because my Mom and family friend, Susie Salerno, are coming to town to see "Big River" today at noon. They are literally coming for the day. They are going to eat, see the show and jump back on a plane at noon tomorrow. Nuts! Anyway. My Mom hasn't seen me perform on stage in maybe 7 years I want to say. It's crazy how retired people are. She didn't want to come back to LA ever, but now that she s retired, this is the second time in a year she has flown out. I realize in all this craziness that I am super excited for people to see the show, but when they actually commit I freak out. When someone sees a movie or something on film that I have done...it's over. There is nothing I can do to change it. On stage, it's LIVE! Love live theatre, but so many things come into play. It's been windy in LA, the H1V1 is going around like the plague, my vacuum just blew up in my apartment and I am trying to get the fumes outside, etc. All these things are usually just annoyances, but when I am in a musical and on stage the whole show singing and talking, I freak out a touch. I become a hermit. I don't want to go outside and have an allergy attack, or catch the swine flu, but yet indoors I am breathing in fumes from a burnt out vaccum cleaner and Ajax bathroom scrub. AH! What is the lesser of two evils? On top of that, I am uncomfortable in my own skin because I am in the waiting game with auditions, callbacks and bookings. I just found out that my dear friend Katy just booked a gig that I was hoping both of us would have booked, but they took her and not me. It was expected because while we were both perfect for the roles, one thing was holding me back -- playing the guitar. I knew it's a big thing, but I was hoping they would over look it. They couldn't and while I was "the best actor" for the job, I didn't have the whole package, so alas I wait. 2009 is the year of patience, gathering experience, living on EDD, and waiting some more....at least up til this point. I know it's all stuff I need to learn and deal with and the EDD part is allowing me to sit here and type without bustling off to a "day job", but I want more. Am I allowed to ask for more?